Time, It Goes So Fast

I was all done being crusty yesterday after my nap. The little pain in my side was better, but not gone. It's still there, but I intend to ignore it until it goes away.
J spent most of the day away at Jill's house; Amber spent most of the day at her mother's, even though it was her birthday; Robbie took Brad, Jeff and Katherine fishing and didn't come back until dark. When I woke up from my nap and realized that it was just me and HB there alone, I felt guilty for leaving him at loose ends that way. Imagine my surprise when I emerged from the bedroom and found that he'd made a very creditable lunch and washed his own dishes.
We took his very tasty pasta salad and sandwiches up in the woods and ate them on a blanket in a little clearing surrounded by late apple blossoms. The food was good, although he'd come up with a bottle of wine from somewhere that made my stomach feel all acidy in about two sips. I palmed a Tums from my pocket and acted like I was belching because I'd eaten so much. He really did try so hard. Still, it was cold; for spring, the weather has been dark and chilly and wet even more than usual, and when the first drops of rain started spattering us we ran for home.
In the afternoon I did some dishes and some laundry and made a stab at cleaning our bedroom, mostly just to keep myself busy. J came back just as I was making his very favorite cookies in the world, and as usual he was pissed off because he'd argued with Jill. I practiced keeping my mouth shut, and was rewarded when J came and put the phone in my hands.
It was my three little kids. My middlest daughter, Jennifer, called and put them on because their mother was out of the house somewhere. I got to talk to all three of them for almost half an hour, and even though it brings how much I miss them right to the front of my mind where I can't dodge or forget it, talking to them was utterly wonderful. They chattered very happily to me, and even though they told me that their mother still flat-out refuses to let them see me I urged them not to stop asking. J and Amber haven't stopped, either, and I can only hope that over time water wears away the stone.
Of course, I could probably just give in to Duff and take some much more direct and satisfying action... and after I hung up the phone and went to lie down it was all I could think about. How badly I miss them. How badly I want her to pay for what she's done to me. How easy it would be to just tell those guys to do what they're gonna do and let me know about it afterward. I'm not used to thwarting my own burning desires that way (obviously) and the conflict made me utterly, completely, arguing-with-myself-out-loud crazy.
Then HB came in and put his arms around me. He held me, but his face had this far-away quality that was new. I came out of it enough to ask him if he was okay, and when he put me off with short placating answers I pushed my agony over the kids back in that place in my heart and mind where it cuts me every day and focused on him.
Turns out that his father had a job lined up for HB back in the city, and that his father is so angry over HB working as a mason and bricklayer for a local contractor that he cancelled HB's car insurance. HB got a letter from the state saying that he has to provide proof of insurance within thirty days or have his registration suspended. I thought that was a pretty mean trick, but I don't really have a leg to stand on when it comes to criticizing his father. If I were that guy, I think I'd've had somebody break my kneecaps by now, you know?
So I comforted him, and he comforted me, and then when Amber came home we had a birthday party. That got sort of raucous towards ten, and I went to bed. This morning when I got up Amber was in the big bedroom upstairs with Ricky, and I know that's gonna be a whole new truckload of heartache. Still, it was sort of cute to see them both come down all rumpled and blushing to breakfast. Ricky says I make the best pancakes he's ever tasted, and he works in the local pancake house franchise. He's so sweet.
Now they're all gone to work except Robbie, who sleeps til noon, and Brad, who wanted to shoot hoops this morning but came in after just five minutes with his teeth chattering and his nipples poking through his woefully inadequate tank top like pointy little ice cubes. I guess it's cold out there.
I think I'll have another cup of tea and start my day.

Title lyric from "Manic Monday" by the Bangles.