I hate nights like tonight.
I don’t feel good. My stomach is emptied out and twisted up, just a vague rolling ache under my ribs. I did my very best to eat (really, Jimmy, I did) but all I had was Ramen noodles and they were too salty. I grimly sucked them down, and then just as grimly heaved them up again. I can’t sleep; I can’t read; I can’t even lie still for any length of time.
So I went for a walk. I like to walk; I like the exercise, and I like to be nosy and see what other people’s lives look like from the outside. What I don’t like is that everyplace I go here in the city might as well be slathered with big signs saying “YOU DON’T BELONG HERE.” I don’t belong to any of the little modular subcultures that line my street: I’m not Eastern European, I’m not African American, and I’m not a straight college boy desperate enough to sink it into whatever strange he can find. I’ve tried to make a place for myself here, I really have, but it just isn’t working.
So now I’m gonna go back to bed, and toss and turn on my futon until it’s time to get up and go to work. I’m gonna face my bad day tomorrow, and plod grimly through it, just like I did through the noodles.
Because it ain’t over ‘til it’s over, and until it is there’s no way to stand still. No matter what, life drags you right along with it, from sunrise to sunset, from drama to stillness, from cradle to grave.
Like the song says: “I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down…”
Title lyric from "3 AM" by Matchbox 20.
Friday, August 31, 2007
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7 comments:
Thinking of you :)
Sometimes I wonder if any of us fit in anywhere.
When my tummy is feeling real bad, I eat Ramen too, but I don't use the flavorings.
I too, feel like I don't fit in most places.
hey bigg,
not fitting in makes us less likely to become complacent and sedentary. look at it as a blessing.
anyway, too much good stuff happens in life to stay in one place for too long. ;-}
It is indeed a bittersweet symphony, this life.
Hang in there, Bigg...
Nothing but Love to you, sir.
Respectfully,
Ramen noodles aren't food.
Do I have to fly over there and put something organic in you myself?
I sure do hope you feel better soon.
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